Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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