Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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