I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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