it's too hot outside to masturbate.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
