Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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