how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
