wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
