So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
