Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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