remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm having to shit out rocks
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
