i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
