I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Randomize
