so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Are my feet made of real feet?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
