Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
