Will you blow on my dice?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
