There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
