I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
