he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
