a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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