genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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