I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
