This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
