Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You made out with two different species that night
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
