Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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