hell yes lets make some ravioli
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize