I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
