Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
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