You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
