She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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