Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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