Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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