nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
