I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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