Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
