I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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