Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
