everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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