This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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