i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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