then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
