left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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