if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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