rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
