i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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