i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
