her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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