How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
