farters have to be the big spoon...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
