I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
