when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
