i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
