3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
