Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
