You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We just shotgunned beers for America
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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