after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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