The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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