took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
