who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
