we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
