we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
