the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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