Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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