that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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