i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
