I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
