How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
