On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
